dammit. am sick again, only this time more than just losing my voice. all over achy, and angry throat affliction. am alternately sweaty and chilled which i can only assume means fever, though i don't have a thermometer to affirm the assumption. this is bad timing indeed. have too much work to be doing that requires good health, and was looking forward to possibly going snowboarding again soon.
cannot believe this bullshit. haven't been sick once since i moved here. guess there is no convenient time to be sick but it's really not helping things now. headaches, and all i want to do is lie in bed with eyes closed consuming water and cough drops. and reading jane austen.
ow
2.21.2005
2.20.2005
like a chainsaw. that should really work
well well. it seems as though my prayers for more snow have finally been answered. and not a moment too soon, for i was falling into complacency about the spring-like conditions. it's been snowing all day, lightly, but that didn't stop 14 or so of my crazy EVST friends and i from playing touch football. oh yeah.
we rallied from the late night, and all the scary meat and cheese food we'd eaten yesterday at a showing of 'the big lebowski' at shoren's, and managed a pretty decent game. snow and all. funny thing, as we were out there having a great time all rosy-cheeked and whatnot, some dood in a pickup truck drives by and yells out the window "are you crazy?! it's fucking freezing!" well, i guess technically, since it was snowing, it was freezing, but it sure didn't feel that way to me. i was hot and my hands were sweaty even. awesome. let's hope this little escapade will not make me any more sick than i already am though.
some sort of phlegm monster seems to have taken up residence in my throat, but i took dayquil during the game so i was ready for action. then, i had to come back home and take a nap, 'cause damn i didn't sleep all that much or all that well last night. looks like the fun's not over yet, though, because we're all going bowling this evening. but that's IT. i'm totally drawing the line ...
speaking of not sleeping very well last night, i remembered that i had a wierd dream. in the middle of a really mundane sort of dream about eating stuff and working on the computer and other boring things, i dreamed that robin williams died, and that i was really very upset about it. not really because it was robin williams but because of what he represented, mostly - a well-known icon of popular culture who i immediately identify with my youth and had just taken the presence of for granted. robin williams dying (in my dream) was a harsh reminder that things change and people don't live forever, and more specifically, that i would not live forever. one is confronted with one's own mortality in very strange and unexpected ways. it just serves as another reminder to me to make the most of it while i am here. reincarnation aside, i'm not gonna get another chance
we rallied from the late night, and all the scary meat and cheese food we'd eaten yesterday at a showing of 'the big lebowski' at shoren's, and managed a pretty decent game. snow and all. funny thing, as we were out there having a great time all rosy-cheeked and whatnot, some dood in a pickup truck drives by and yells out the window "are you crazy?! it's fucking freezing!" well, i guess technically, since it was snowing, it was freezing, but it sure didn't feel that way to me. i was hot and my hands were sweaty even. awesome. let's hope this little escapade will not make me any more sick than i already am though.
some sort of phlegm monster seems to have taken up residence in my throat, but i took dayquil during the game so i was ready for action. then, i had to come back home and take a nap, 'cause damn i didn't sleep all that much or all that well last night. looks like the fun's not over yet, though, because we're all going bowling this evening. but that's IT. i'm totally drawing the line ...
speaking of not sleeping very well last night, i remembered that i had a wierd dream. in the middle of a really mundane sort of dream about eating stuff and working on the computer and other boring things, i dreamed that robin williams died, and that i was really very upset about it. not really because it was robin williams but because of what he represented, mostly - a well-known icon of popular culture who i immediately identify with my youth and had just taken the presence of for granted. robin williams dying (in my dream) was a harsh reminder that things change and people don't live forever, and more specifically, that i would not live forever. one is confronted with one's own mortality in very strange and unexpected ways. it just serves as another reminder to me to make the most of it while i am here. reincarnation aside, i'm not gonna get another chance
2.19.2005
birdsong
it's as though spring really is here. everything's melty and muddy, and today for the first time since november i heard a little bird sing outside my window. for montana, this is a pretty lame winter. i'd like some more snow, please
damn those australians and their shiraz. my head hurts. did have a very nice dinner and jam session with shoren and hank last night, though. breakin out the djembe for the first time in a while. good conversation, as well. the dijon chicken was a success, too.
real community and virtual community both serve a purpose i suppose. i'd like to have a more of my virtual community be real community (one i could have face-to-face contact with, i guess i mean), but i'll take what i can get. i'm not one of those who can easily maintain long-distance friendships, unless the people are really important to me. but i regret leaving acquaintences behind. there are so many people in the world that i should know better, that i'd like to know better, but where is the time? simultaneously, what else could be more important that the time wouldn't just present itself, and everything else would be left behind?
guitar playing is going well. considering i've only been doing it for a month or so, i'm pleased with my progress. the callouses are certainly forming well, and it doesn't hurt quite so much anymore. there are definitely still things that my hands are just not able to do, but that will come with time. this is a life-skill i'm working on, here, not just another thing to say i can do.
my ribs hurt from all the crunches i did the other day. i've been disappointed with my lack of fitness lately. i think back to the time when i could actually run a 10k all at once, without stopping, and how, if i tried to do that now, i would fall over at the end of the first k - pathetic. it's really odd, considering i never thought about exercise or health that way when i was that way, but now i think about it nearly constantly and am nowhere near as well off as i'd like to be. i don't want to be fat and middle-aged! sigh
damn those australians and their shiraz. my head hurts. did have a very nice dinner and jam session with shoren and hank last night, though. breakin out the djembe for the first time in a while. good conversation, as well. the dijon chicken was a success, too.
real community and virtual community both serve a purpose i suppose. i'd like to have a more of my virtual community be real community (one i could have face-to-face contact with, i guess i mean), but i'll take what i can get. i'm not one of those who can easily maintain long-distance friendships, unless the people are really important to me. but i regret leaving acquaintences behind. there are so many people in the world that i should know better, that i'd like to know better, but where is the time? simultaneously, what else could be more important that the time wouldn't just present itself, and everything else would be left behind?
guitar playing is going well. considering i've only been doing it for a month or so, i'm pleased with my progress. the callouses are certainly forming well, and it doesn't hurt quite so much anymore. there are definitely still things that my hands are just not able to do, but that will come with time. this is a life-skill i'm working on, here, not just another thing to say i can do.
my ribs hurt from all the crunches i did the other day. i've been disappointed with my lack of fitness lately. i think back to the time when i could actually run a 10k all at once, without stopping, and how, if i tried to do that now, i would fall over at the end of the first k - pathetic. it's really odd, considering i never thought about exercise or health that way when i was that way, but now i think about it nearly constantly and am nowhere near as well off as i'd like to be. i don't want to be fat and middle-aged! sigh
2.16.2005
a poem and a question
first a poem on bad poetry readings, by bukowski
-----------------------
poetry readings have to be some of the saddest
damned things ever,
the gathering of the clansmen and clansladies,
week after week, month after month, year
after year,
getting old together,
reading on to tiny gatherings,
still hoping their genious will be
discovered,
making tapes together, discs together,
sweating for applause
they read basically to and for
each other,
they can't find a New York publisher
or one
within miles,
but they read on and on
in the poetry holes of America,
never daunted,
never considering the possibility that
their talent might be
thin, almost invisible,
they read on and on
before their mothers, their sisters, their husbands,
their wives, their friends, the other poets
and the handful of idiots who have wandered
in
from nowhere.
I am ashamed for them,
I am ashamed that they have to bolster each other,
I am ashamed for their lisping egos,
their lack of guts.
if these are our creators,
please, please give me something else:
a drunken plumber at a bowling alley,
a prelim boy in a four rounder,
a jock guiding his horse along the
rail,
a bartender on last call,
a waitress pouring me coffee,
a drunk sleeping in a deserted doorway,
a dog munching on a dry bone,
an elephant's fart in a circus tent,
a 6 p.m. freeway crush,
the mailman telling a dirty joke
anything
anything
but
these.
- charles bukowski, "poetry reading"
and now a question. not rhetorical
is it better to be a prisoner who is unaware of his being in prison, or one who is aware but is unable to do anything to escape?
-----------------------
poetry readings have to be some of the saddest
damned things ever,
the gathering of the clansmen and clansladies,
week after week, month after month, year
after year,
getting old together,
reading on to tiny gatherings,
still hoping their genious will be
discovered,
making tapes together, discs together,
sweating for applause
they read basically to and for
each other,
they can't find a New York publisher
or one
within miles,
but they read on and on
in the poetry holes of America,
never daunted,
never considering the possibility that
their talent might be
thin, almost invisible,
they read on and on
before their mothers, their sisters, their husbands,
their wives, their friends, the other poets
and the handful of idiots who have wandered
in
from nowhere.
I am ashamed for them,
I am ashamed that they have to bolster each other,
I am ashamed for their lisping egos,
their lack of guts.
if these are our creators,
please, please give me something else:
a drunken plumber at a bowling alley,
a prelim boy in a four rounder,
a jock guiding his horse along the
rail,
a bartender on last call,
a waitress pouring me coffee,
a drunk sleeping in a deserted doorway,
a dog munching on a dry bone,
an elephant's fart in a circus tent,
a 6 p.m. freeway crush,
the mailman telling a dirty joke
anything
anything
but
these.
- charles bukowski, "poetry reading"
and now a question. not rhetorical
is it better to be a prisoner who is unaware of his being in prison, or one who is aware but is unable to do anything to escape?
2.03.2005
rip off
okay. bastards
so i just found out (a little belatedly, i admit, i've been out of the loop) that george "the devil" bush was in great falls, mt today - a mere THREE HOURS from where i live. gee, i wonder why he chose great falls to come speak to. i wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that it would be easier to find a more favorable crowd there to speak to. one that would be willing to pay to hear ol' georgy speak. one that would actually believe all this pap about social security going broke in the next few years. christ, what a liar that man is.
but the paying thing really pisses me off. here's the man driving this country into mountainous debt, debt that the country can most likely never actually recover from, while simultaneously calling for a tax cut for the richies, and he's asking for these people in fargo, and great falls, of all places, to pay for the great priveledge of hearing him murderize the english language. oh excuse me, he's "down-to-earth."
bastards
so i just found out (a little belatedly, i admit, i've been out of the loop) that george "the devil" bush was in great falls, mt today - a mere THREE HOURS from where i live. gee, i wonder why he chose great falls to come speak to. i wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that it would be easier to find a more favorable crowd there to speak to. one that would be willing to pay to hear ol' georgy speak. one that would actually believe all this pap about social security going broke in the next few years. christ, what a liar that man is.
but the paying thing really pisses me off. here's the man driving this country into mountainous debt, debt that the country can most likely never actually recover from, while simultaneously calling for a tax cut for the richies, and he's asking for these people in fargo, and great falls, of all places, to pay for the great priveledge of hearing him murderize the english language. oh excuse me, he's "down-to-earth."
bastards
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